Relationships – Person of Purpose

How to Host a Jewelry Swap

Have you ever attended a swap party? A jewelry swap party is a great way to get together with friends, be eco-friendly, clean out your closet, and maybe even get some fabulous things for yourself.

I recently hosted a jewelry swap, asking friends to bring their jewelry, scarves, purses, and accessories together for an evening of fun, food, and fashion.

My invitation also said that there may be some jewelry for sale. Now, some jewelry parties are held specifically for selling jewelry, but this was not one of those. This party was for us to get some cool stuff for free.

Over twenty friends came. We set up one table for jewelry, one table for scarves, and another table for purses.

We were in uncharted territory as to how to proceed, so I invited the four most senior guests to start first. After they got what they wanted, it was free for all to choose their items. Everyone was very modest.

Of course, wanting to remember the ones who were not able to make it, I encouraged that we chose items for them.

I chose this for a friend who likes bling.

Many said they didn’t want to take their stuff back home, so we decided to donate the remaining items to the local women’s shelter.

My husband came later to scarf (pun intended) up the food. No other guys were there, but my friend Julie’s husband had earlier said, “Can you imagine guys getting together for an old tool swap?” Very funny, but I told her to let him know she got one of the best pieces of the night: a long strand of ultraviolet freshwater pearls from Hawaii! I may borrow it sometime!

The evening was such a success. People said they were unsure how it was going to play out, (me too) but it turned out wonderfully.

So what about you? Will you host a swap party?

Spending Your Wedding Anniversary Apart

Every year, since our 25th wedding anniversary, I have chosen a song as a gift for my husband. This year, we were in two different states, so we had to make do the best we could. This year I chose the Patti Austin song “Through the Test of Time”

“For the first time in my life, Boy, I’m not afraid to say it, How I really feel inside, We don’t have to go on waiting just think about it, together you and I.

“I could never try to write a better story, From the pages of my life
You must have written for me ‘Cause every line, found a way into my heart.

“So we’ll take it one day at a time. And leave all our worries behind.
No matter which road that we choose, As long as we got each other
No way we can lose. We can make it through love.
Through the test of time.

“When you look back on the days When you tried so hard to reach me
But I never saw the way ‘Til you took the time to teach me
And I found out, what it’s all about.

“So we’ll take it one day at a time. And leave all our worries behind.
No matter which road that we choose, As long as we got each other
No way we can lose. We can make it through love
Through the test of time.

“And again I must say How lucky I feel to have found you. Oh, and I pray every day that this feeling goes on Forever and ever.

“Oh and I pray every day that this feeling goes on
Forever and ever.

“So we’ll take it one day at a time. And leave all our worries behind.
No matter which road that we choose, As long as we got each other
No way we gonna lose. We can make it through love
Through the test of time.

“We can make it through love
Through the test of time.
Through the test of time.

“Oh if I’ve got you and you’ve got me Then we’ll be happy as we can be.
If I love you baby and you love me too. Well, there ain’t nothing that we can’t go through.

“Through the test of time.
“Through the test of time.
“Through the test of time.
“Through the test of time.
“Through the test of time.

Source: Songwriters: David Pack / David Robert Pack / Jeff Pescetto

How to Make a Romantic Playlist

Have you ever made a playlist for someone? What reaction did you get? When I made a 25-year wedding anniversary playlist for my husband, he was visibly moved. He said it was the most romantic gift he had ever received. I did good.

You too can make a playlist for a friend or loved one. Here are some suggestions:

Choose songs from the Billboard Chart’s Year-End 100 chart for a particular year.
Choose songs in chronological order.
Choose all his/her favorite songs.
Choose songs for significant moments in your shared life.

I used the fourth method to make my playlist. From our courtship to our wedding and honeymoon, our missionary assignment, and the birth of our son, each song brings back beautiful memories.

Click on the links to see some fantastic performances from official videos, The Midnight Special, Live From Daryl’s House, and other concerts.

September—Earth, Wind & Fire 1978

Find Yourself—Brad Paisley 2006

It Might Be You—Stephen Bishop 1982

Had I Known You Better Then—Hall & Oates 1973

Through the Fire—Chaka Khan 1984

At Last—Phoebe Snow 1991

Ribbon in the Sky—Stevie Wonder 1982

This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)—Natalie Cole 1975

Here We are—Gloria Estefan 1988

Groovin’—The Young Rascals 1967

Dance with Me—Orleans 1975

How Deep is Your Love—Bee Gees 1977

I Can’t Imagine—Aaron Neville 1996

You’re the Biggest Part of Me—Ambrosia 1980

Sara Smile — Hall & Oates 1975

Love Will Keep Us Alive—Eagles 1994

You’re All I Need to Get By—Michael McDonald 2004

Strings—Kenny Rankin 1980

Reasons—Earth Wind & Fire 1975

Overjoyed—Stevie Wonder 1985

Let’s Stay Together—Al Green 1972

Eyes for You (Ain’t No Doubt About It)—Daryl Hall 2011

I Love You More Today Than Yesterday—Diana Ross 2006

Evergreen—Barbra Streisand 1976

Reminiscing—Little River Band 1978

Now, my husband and I have been married for 31 years, so to keep up the tradition, I added to the playlist for years 26 to 30:

Do It for Love—Hall & Oates

Something to Talk About—Bonnie Raitt

All of Me—John Legend (cover by Luciana Zogbi)

Baby I Love Your Way—Peter Frampton

Endless Love—Lionel Richie & Diana Ross

For year 31, I chose the following song:

Thinking Out Loud—Ed Sheeran

I have not yet chosen a song for year 32, which comes up in mid-September. Stay tuned.

For the Love of Greeting Cards

Do you love giving and receiving greeting cards? I do. When someone gives me a card, it makes me feel thought of, special and loved. With a physical card, I can touch it and read it again and again. I still cherish a card a friend gave me when I moved to New York 37 years ago. It was a drawing of a girl, cradling the gigantic head of a sleeping dog in her lap. I framed it, and it reminded me of my sweet friend Cathy.

I’m obsessed with buying and collecting cards so much that I have dedicated a filing cabinet drawer to them. Blank cards, thank you cards, anniversary cards, get well cards, sympathy cards, party invitation cards, postcards, envelopes, stamps, stickers, each category nicely organized in their hanging files.

Gasp, I am organized sometimes!

Don’t get me started on the boxed sets, which take up an entire shelf in my dresser. Sometimes I get them out to gaze at their beauty and lovingly caress them. I go to the post office to see if I can match Forever stamps to them.

Boxed sets of cards

If I find out you’re a cat lover, boom, one kitty cat card is coming your way! If you just had a baby, welcome little one!

Usually, I like to get cards on discount, or free, like last summer when all Hallmark Crown Rewards members could come in and get a free card every Friday from their Just Because line. Free Card Friday is coming again, folks, so sign up!

Just Because card from Hallmark

Giving greeting cards is a wonderful way to show you care and recognize the people around you. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to give one.

So, whether you have a collection like mine, or you walk into a store and buy one, know that your card carries great meaning and brings you closer to the receiver.

Taking a Vacation from My Problems

Do you ever feel tired? Emotionally drained? Every once in a while, I get that way. I start dwelling too much on my problems and not enough on my blessings. So, what can you and I do to get out of the funk?

I decided to take a cue from Bob Wiley, in What About Bob? and take a vacation from my problems. Even the planning gave me a boost. I looked at my 100 Self-Care Activities for Body, Mind, and Spirit, and chose some things to do.

The next morning I woke up singing to my husband, “I’m taking a vacation from my problems!” Just saying it aloud made me happy. He said, “Go for it!” After all, what’s good for me is good for him, right?

My first day, I drove him to work and cranked up a Taylor Dayne CD in the car. Taylor can get your blood pumping, which was just what I needed to start my vacation.

At home, I burned a candle. My favorite candle is Circle E Candles—THE Candle for People Who Know Candles. This one is Orange Vanilla. It smells divine.

Circle E candle Orange Vanilla

I ate lunch with my husband at the Whitney House in Worthington. As I ate my turkey sandwich with brie, I did my best imitation of Bob, mesmerized by the deliciousness of it all. Mmmm. So good! I dropped hubby back to work and went to Cinemark to see the Disneynature movie, Penguins.

Disneynature’s Penguins at Cinemark

Now, I planned to use my refillable tub to buy myself popcorn for the incredibly low price of $4.75, but I was stuffed from lunch and decide to do this another time. When I bought my $5.00 matinee ticket, the cashier asked me to pick my seat. Was the theater really packed? Ok, um, I chose the last row, center seat, the primo seat in the house, and when I entered the theater, I discovered I was all by myself. Cool! Time to use my phone during the whole movie. Just kidding.

You might think that a Disney movie about penguins would be family-friendly. It wasn’t. Sure, penguins are fun to watch because they aren’t very graceful and do a lot of slipping and sliding. The plot was about Steve, a five-year-old Adélie penguin making his first adult visit to his birthplace to start his own family. But I was a bit irritated at how Steve was made out to be an oaf, always apologizing for, well, just being there.

Here’s the not family-friendly part: those leopard seals. I hate leopard seals. Any parent who takes their kid to see Penguins will do well to take their youngsters out during this part, which comes at the end of the movie.

Don’t worry, it ends well, and Steve and his family live on to see another day. Whew!

The exciting and unexpected part about taking a vacation from my problems is that I solved a nagging problem. Or rather, my husband and I solved a problem. The problem was that whenever I drive, my husband wants to tell me where to go, what lane to be in, etc. It’s annoying. The solution we found was for him to read uplifting articles out loud.

So, how about it? Join me in taking a vacation from your problems. Stay tuned for more vacation adventures and solutions.

Impressions of the Midwest – The People

It’s been four months since we moved to Columbus, Ohio, so it’s time to comment on my impressions of Midwestern living.

First, I was born and raised in California. I lived in New York for 5 years, got married and lived overseas for 13 years. The last 18 years were spent in Texas. So, having lived in the West, the East, and the South, it was time for me to move to the Midwest.

I really didn’t have any conceptions about what life would be like, but guess what? I have fallen in love with the people! Yes, that’s right, Midwesterners are so nice! What makes them so nice? One person offered the explanation that Midwesterners love sports, and sports brings people together. All I know is there’s a real family feeling around here, and I’m part of the family.

After we had been here a week, it dawned on me that one of my roommates was from Columbus. I did some checking around, and it was true, my fourth roommate from Brooklyn lived seven miles from me. Incredible! She attends the “sister” congregation in the same Kingdom Hall. I got her phone number and we reconnected right away. We see each other almost every week, and in fact, I just saw her today. My heart is so full of joy.

Roomies in Brooklyn circa 1986

Reconnecting with my roomie

Another thing about Midwesterners is that they are very social. Since our congregation was newly formed and many did not know each other, some members organized a Sisters Night Out. We played a game where we could take as many toilet paper squares as we wanted, and that the more we took, the more fun it would be. I could see where this was going, so I only took one square.

Now, the game was for each toilet square you took, you had to say something about yourself. There were around 40 sisters, so it seemed like a good way for all of us to learn some basics and keep within a decent timeframe. My turn came around, and while I wanted to channel Sally Fields “You like me!” acceptance speech, I instead stood up and said, “I moved here from Texas one month ago, and I am so happy to be here. Everyone has been so welcoming.”

Before we came here, we decided we were going to hit the social circuit hard. Little did we realize how easy it would be to make friends. In the past four months, in addition to our parties at our apartment lounge, I have been invited bowling, square dancing, card making, out to eat, and a bunch of other parties.

So, even though we have lived through a severe winter, I am feeling very cozy and warm.

Becoming a Social Butterfly

Our apartment complex has a lounge area that tenants can reserve after the leasing office closes. Since we had little furniture in our apartment, we decided the lounge would be an excellent place to host gatherings. We arrived on a Wednesday (Nov 21) and had our first gathering on Sunday (Nov 25).

Lounge artwork

Our first gathering was with a family with whom I met the wife when she was visiting in Dallas for work. The lounge kitchen has a refrigerator, microwave, and oven, but no stove top. I made the food in my own kitchen and brought it downstairs. I served spaghetti with meat sauce, chicken Florentine farfalle, and cherry pie for dessert.

Kitchen

We ate our dinner at the long table and slowly got to know one another. But because of our shared faith, what started off as complete strangers became family by the end of the evening. We were very touched and surprised when they gave us an Ohio State throw blanket as a welcome gift.

Our first gathering, our new family

Of course, you don’t really know someone until you have played ping pong with them.

Ping pong table

More features of the lounge include a couple of tables, a fireplace and sitting area.

Long table

Fireplace

Sitting area

To date, we have reserved the lounge six times. It works out to be one gathering every two weeks. That’s amazing!

Some of the highlights were when we asked each one to tell us their most embarrassing school moment. S.’s experience beat us all out. He threw rocks at the geese to get them off the playing field, but you know, geese don’t like that sort of thing, so they ganged up on him while the whole playground watched.

Our last gathering was a Chili Cook-Off. I had fun buying kitchen/cooking-like prizes. Basically, prizes for all! We voted on four chilis, and our friend E. won with what she called “Jamaican Me Crazy.” She was so surprised, but I wasn’t; she is an extraordinary cook.

We also played a game similar to “Speed Dating” but since we aren’t dating, we are just getting to know each other, I called it “Speed Friending.” We paired up and talked for five minutes each time. N., a junior in high school told me he saves 75% of his pay and spends 25%. His brother, Z., a senior, saves 50% of his pay and spends 50%. Outstanding!

This weekend we are having a Soup Cook-Off, so I am off to buy some prizes. Stay tuned!

A Memorial to Lucy the Golden Retriever

11/25/2004 to 10/25/2018

Lucy, my Golden Retriever came into my life on June 15, 2010. Initially, a friend, who lived in a third-story apartment and who worked full-time, thought Lucy would be better off with us. My son wanted a dog, and we had a house and a backyard for her to run around in.

I was surprised at how big she was. Lucy was confused. Lucy, my son and I sat in the living room, looking at each other. The energy level was so low, I almost fell asleep.

It wasn’t until my son went to bed that Lucy came alive. She adorably romped around as if to say, “Let’s play!” Needless to say, she became my dog.

She became very attached, was constantly underfoot, and followed me around so much that it was unnerving. It took some adjusting for all of us. Eventually, I started calling her “Little Lucy” a misnomer because she was so big. Or I’d call her “Lucy Lou” because, hey, she’s from Texas!

She was afraid of storms. At times, I would find her hiding in my closet, heavily drooling and shaking.

She was a Retriever who didn’t retrieve.

She was a beauty who made everyone smile when they saw her.

She patiently let me cut her hair. At the beginning, I wasn’t any good, and once I cut it so badly, I affectionately called her “Pinocchio” because she looked like she was made from crudely carved wood. That’s the thing about dogs, they still love you no matter what you do to their hair.

Eventually, after watching many YouTube videos and reading articles on grooming, I got the hang of it. I especially enjoyed grooming her paws, which technique the breed standard calls “tight and cat-like.” They really do look like a cat’s paw! So adorable!

She would howl whenever she heard sirens. She also howled/sang whenever she heard me sing the song He Will Call. I’d like to think it was because it was her favorite, not because my singing was bad.

Last year we made the decision to move to Columbus, Ohio, and I wanted to take her, but we felt the move would be too traumatic for her. I reached out to the Golden Retriever Rescue of North Texas to rehome her. Unfortunately, just a day before the rescue organization emailed me that they had found a home for Lucy, I made the painful decision to put Lucy to sleep. She was fourteen years old.

I called Banfield and told them it was time, and they said I could bring her in that very day. No way! I agreed for the next day, while I cried the entire rest of the day.

The next afternoon, my friend Renee took a half day off from work to pick me and Lucy up. I had printed my “100 Self-Care Activities for Body, Mind, and Spirit” and said, “We will need to use this after the procedure is done.”

Now, some people would prefer to have the procedure done in their presence, and others not. I decided I wanted to be there, but Renee, who previously had to put down a number of her pets opted out. I said my goodbyes and told Lucy how much I loved her and that she was a wonderful dog, a faithful companion, and a loyal friend.

I can’t say if or when I will get another dog, but I do know I will never have another dog like my beloved Lucy.

Breaking My Hiatus from Blogging

Hey, sorry it’s been two months since I last posted. My last post asked some hard questions, and I will answer them here:

How will I downsize? I downsized from a 3-bedroom/2-bath house of 1,600 s.f. to a 2-bedroom/2-bath apartment of 897 s.f. As you may know, with my problem with papers, I had a hard time getting through them. My husband said, “Just take what you will need and leave the rest.” That’s not an easy thing to do. The “hoarder” in me said I needed to touch every piece of paper. I wanted to just pack them all up to deal them later, but nooo, he wouldn’t let me do it.

What should I do with my things? A couple of friends want to make money so they can attend an international convention next year, so what better way to help them than to donate my things to their garage sale?

How will my son stay behind to finish the fall and spring semesters? My son has to finish his schooling in Fort Worth, so he stayed behind. It’s a long story, but he is staying in two places, one is a trailer near the school, and the other is an RV that he stays in on the weekends.

What about Lucy, my golden retriever? For weeks I tried to get her rehomed through the Golden Retriever Rescue of North Texas. But being 14 years old, and arthritic, it came down to that she was in pain, and her quality of life wasn’t good anymore. I made the painful decision to have her put to sleep. An upcoming post will celebrate my life with Lucy.

Can I handle the cold weather of Ohio? Let’s be real: it’s cold in Ohio. I haven’t worn stockings since 1987. But I got a set of thermal underwear and a pair of rubber boots, so I’m good to go.

So there you have all the answers you were dying to know for the last two months!

The Art of the Open-Ended Question

As the mother of a teenage son, I was counseled to get the lines of communication going with him by using open-ended questions. What are open-ended questions? How are they different than closed-ended questions?

Closed-ended questions are questions that have an answer of either YES, NO, or a few words. Here is an example: How was your vacation? These kinds of questions are likened to multiple-choice questions on a test. These questions typically open with Are? Do? Who? When? Where? Which? Sometimes they begin with What?

Open-ended questions are ones that require an explanation and encourage discussion. Here is an example: What fun things did you do on vacation? These types of questions are like essay questions. These questions typically begin with How? Why? In what way? Sometimes they start with What?

The benefit of using open-ended questions is that you demonstrate an interest in the other person. I certainly want my son to feel I’m interested in him.

Before I opened my mouth, I asked myself, “Is what I am about to ask an open-ended question or a closed-ended question?” At first, I was surprised to find that my mind more readily went to closed-ended questions. I felt like I was learning to speak a different language. But the more I practiced it, the easier it got.

Of course, many times when I asked the open-ended question, hoping for a discussion, I got shut out with an “I DON’T KNOW.” Teenagers say that a lot. I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with that they aren’t up to having a conversation at that moment. They may be thinking about something else, or they may not be interested in the topic. I try not to take it personally, realizing that I will have other opportunities. The point is I must keep trying, and not give up.

Occasionally, my open-ended questions worked, and we would get into animated discussions, usually revolving around cars. Note to moms with teenage sons: they like to talk about cars. Not just makes and models of cars, but about all the different parts of the cars. You’d better read up on motor mounts and drive axles.

Once the discussion gets started, I realized that I needed to be careful to encourage it, which is another skill altogether. If my son says something I don’t agree with, or it is shocking, I needed to not jump in with a “This is what you should do…” or chastise or criticize.

I made it a goal to have a minimum of 15 minutes of conversation with my son every day. I told him this was a requirement. The first day we did it, it was awkward. The second day we had a 45-minute discussion. Bingo!

Open-ended questions are useful in many relationships. Parents, educators, counselors, journalists, investigators, mediators, and salespeople should especially learn this skill. Conversations with workmates and even strangers can become more vibrant and satisfying.

What about you? In what areas of life have you been effective in using open-ended questions?